Thinking about him

Since the news that Lyosha would not be returning home with me to California, I had dreaded my trip home. Not only would I have to survive in the Moscow airport on my own, but I also had to survive without getting to see him for an unknown amount of time. Needless to say, I was very relieved when he told me this week that he would be able to return within the month. Now, the idea of seeing him again seems so surreal.

Since my return to California, I have been able to spend more time with my wonderful roommates and focus more time on my workouts, cleaning, and my job. I have been keeping very busy and I have returned back to my happy self, but now the idea of Russia seems more like a dream to me than reality.

Before visiting Russia, I spent countless hours trying to learn how to speak Russian and researching things about Russian culture to prepare myself for my trip. I grew accustomed to having Lyosha help me with my coat and bags, and trying to look pretty for him when he came home. I loved the way he made me feel like a woman, but now I feel as though I have forgotten everything. It has only been a week since my return to the states, and already I am back to my old habits of doing everything myself, not because I want to, but because I have to. In the airport in San Francisco I was disgusted by the fact that no one offered to help me with my suitcase because they were all so busy talking on their cell phones and paying attention to their own lives. I saw plenty of couples where the boy helped the girl with her bags in the airport, but the difference between Russia and America is that it doesn't matter if you are dating a girl or not, you should always help her and be respectful of her.

As I stood outside, waiting for Leva to pick me up at my gate, I played with the pink stone on my necklace from Alyosha. This stone kept me from crying on my flights because I knew I would be able to see him again. Time seems to be going by very slowly when I think about him, but I am able to counter this by dreaming about all of the fun activities we can do when he arrives back in California. I miss pretending that I am Russian with my man who appreciates everything I do, and speaking in an unnatural tongue. I love being a California girl, but I wouldn't mind having a little Russian in me too :)