A Melancholy Holiday Season

In my life, I feel as though I have been fairly blessed. I have two wonderful, loving parents who have taught me the value of so many important things in life and who have shown me the love that I will try to pass on to my future children and husband. Although I am still young, I have had the privilege to travel to several countries, while also earning a respectable education from a reputable university. I have met many wonderful people in my 26 years of life, and I am so grateful for every experience that I have had, whether bad or good, because I know that they have helped to shape the person that I am today.

I have always thanked God for what he has given to myself and my family, and I always knew that he smiled on us with his gifts. There have only been a few times in my life where I have questioned God's intentions and usually I understand them after the dust is settled on whatever dilemma I am facing, but right now I am afraid to admit that I am very confused and scared.

This afternoon when I was in the ICU with my mom and dad, my heart sunk when I overheard the doctor speaking to the nurses in regards to my dad's x-ray. At this point, a risky surgery is very likely to happen in the next couple of days and I can't help to ask God, "why?"

I have been trying to stay very strong for my mother because I know if she saw me cry she would have trouble remaining strong for my dad. I have been taking a lot of time off work lately, mostly for my mom's sake, because I don't like to think about her being alone through all of this. My sister is still unable to visit the hospital because of her cough (not to mention all of the kids are sick), since my dad is still very susceptible to infection, so I feel like I need to be even stronger for my mom. Thankfully, today my uncle drove up to be with us, so it takes some of the pressure off me. Although my dad and my uncle are very close, it is still nice to have someone in the hospital with us who isn't as shaken up about this whole thing, and who can remain calm and even joke a little to keep my dad's spirits up.

Part of me knows that my dad is going to survive because he isn't ready to leave this world yet. My mom NEEDS him and I certainly need him too. He is the kindest man in the world and he has been the best father a girl could ever ask for. Perhaps God is just testing him to be sure that he never smokes again or takes any part of life for granted. After my mom's health trauma several years ago, she saw life from a different angle, so maybe now it is my dad's turn. After tomorrow we will have a more clear idea of what the future holds for him, but until then, all we can do is pray.

If you are a believer, please take the time to pray for my daddy as well. We need all the help we can get!