Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Passion

When I was in high school, I believed that I was at the top of the world and everything revolved around me. I thought that everything I felt and did was unique, and that no one could ever understand any of my passions because I was so special and different. This egotistical way of thinking is quite common in teenagers, but who could ever predict that some people never grow out of this? Granted, I am much wiser now and I realize that my life is insignificant to the rest of the world, but in some ways I still feel unique.

First of all, I have God in my life. No matter what happens, I never feel alone or lost, because I have a deeper love surrounding me, which no hurtful words or wrong-doings can ever touch. This love is the thing that keeps me smiling, even when I have trouble finding other reasons to be happy. This love, however, is not what keeps me full. God is kind, which is why he has given me a man who can make me not only smile, but glow. He knows that humans need each other to touch, to look at, and to talk to. Alyosha completes this part of my happiness.

When I first told my parents I was going to Russia with a man I had just met 2 months earlier, my mother began to panic and my dad began to scold. They still see me as their little girl, so of course this sort of news creates some amount of chaos in their hearts. They asked me what I was thinking and I told them that although I barely knew this man, I felt as though he had been missing from my life all along. I told them that I trusted him and I was compelled to take a risk to show him how much he could mean to me.

The way we met was like a scene from a movie, perfect in every way. Maybe when he first saw me, he thought I was a playful, dumb, American girl, but when I first saw him I was intrigued. What could possibly happen on a perfect summer night? We talked and laughed. I showed him how to set up a tent, and he showed me how beautiful the stars looked in the clear July sky. He held me close to protect me from mountain lions, then he kissed me to help me forget about my fears. What started as an innocent night blew up to a relationship which I could have never predicted for myself.

As of today, it has been 4 months since we first saw each other. We have learned from each other in more ways than some couples can ever learn in a lifetime. We fight like dogs! We are both incredibly strong-willed, which makes arguing quite exhausting since neither of us ever wants to give in. We tease each other, but in the end I always find myself gazing at him, thanking God for this gift he has given me. How can I be so lucky? As much as Alyosha angers me, he fills me twice as much with happiness. I am a stubborn girl, but I forfeit to him. I want to see where life takes me with him and what he inspires me to do.

As to the question of whether or not I am special or different, I don't believe there is much doubt anymore. Perhaps I am not very special on my own, but when I am as God meant me to be, with my man, I know that what we have is very special and quite different from the ordinary couple.

In high school my ignorance was not in the fact that I thought I was unique, but it was in the fact that I thought I could be so on my own. Passion is what makes humans unique and the strongest form of this feeling comes from love.

7 comments:

Igor said...

Nice composition! Thumbs (and halluxes too) up!

Julie said...

Haha thank you! I think I watch too many romantic movies for my own good :)

Igor said...

The examples of "too much romance" is the song about dolphins from "Bedazzled" movie. :-) Here is pretty enough. I read your opuses because they have written by live language.

Anonymous said...

Interesting... You made me look at American ladies from totally different prospective. When I was about to be grown up, I spoke to some Russian girls dreaming to be independent. It was very popular back then - all the girls wanted to be stronger than men. And it turned out that their understanding of the term "independence" actually means "loneliness". When I realized that, I thought to myself - I don't want to be independent! I want to be attached to my girl and be fully dependable on her. I don't want to be able to do anything without her. I will give her my full self and let it be what it'll be.

Luckily (extremely luckily, I must add), I fell in love with the girl who felt the same way about me. Now we are married for almost 10 years and have 2 kids. And we still cannot imagine our lives without each other.

For some reason, I thought it is totally impossible to find such an commitment / understanding from American girls. I imagined all of them to be I-don't-need-a-man-to-be-happy bitches, waiting to sue you for a touch. Please, no offense. I don't know why I was sure about it - maybe, for the same reason why Americans think Russian streets are full of drunk bears.
I think, we all need to watch less TV and stop listening to politicians forming public opinions.

Anyway, it was very surprising to read something like this from you. Thank you!


PS. Just to clarify - both my wife and myself are Russian.

Julie said...

Your view of American women, as noted, interests me immensely. In some regards, you may be right in your ideas because in America we are taught that we need to find happiness in ourselves before we can be happy with a man. This forces us to be strong and independent, but it does not mean that we are not looking for true love. No matter what country you are from, everyone wants to find the kind of love that you can't breathe without, where you don't feel quite complete without your significant other by your side. Just as God created Eve out of one of Adam's ribs to give him a partner to love, we must also find our "better half" in the form of a man (or woman, in your case).

Anonymous said...

See, it's not only about love. I agree - regardless of race/nationality/shoe size, every human creature has built-in chip that is responsible for love. But it takes much more than that to create strong relationship. And relationship will not last for too long if love is the only thing it is based on.

Respect, tolerance, patience, willingness to compromise, readiness to understand, unconditional acceptance his/her character features - these are the keys to keep interest in each other. This is what I referred to as commitment.

Since we are not programmable devices (not yet, anyway), I am sure you agree it is not possible to have somebody next to you who exactly matches your mood all the time. So you do have to put effort in keeping the place safe. And have to be ready to give up on your favorite restaurant. And take her side in a battle even when she is wrong. And many many many more things.

In my previous post, I did not mean American women are unable to love. I was trying to say that I thought they are missing that "commitment" component.

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Julie said...

I see. I have never been married, but I know plenty of people who have exactly what you are speaking of, my parents are one example of this :)